"Movie to ruin your life..." - says Constance after watching said film, "As a mom this is really hard to watch..."

Described as *the* most brutal, unrelenting, and gruesome movie you'll ever see "Inside" has to be one of the most gore-filled, grotesque, violent films I've ever seen. Forget Cannibal Holocaust, completely ignore The Human Centipede 1 and 2, don't even mention Hostel. "Inside" is non-stop cover-your-eyes, mouth agape, oh my god!, and super wide eyed moments. It's hard to even put words together after finishing this journey of blood, turmoil, horror, and home-made C-Sections. 

Inside has a simple plot; Man and woman make a baby, as woman is pregnant she get into a wreck, man dies and she's left to bare the child, evil old lady wants woman's child and will stop at nothing to get it. Seems straight-forward no? This piece of claret red covered art is overwhelming to say the least. If you are squeamish, weak-hearted, and sensitive to anything child related be very wary of this movie. What transpires in this film makes you feel so much better about your day; because chances are you'll never experience anything like this...ever...ever. Plus, it's astonishing that this film is only one hour and fifteen minutes in duration because it feels as if you've watched it for hours.

Trying to get past the extreme copious amounts of brutality the acting in this film is quite exciting and hair-raising. Although all of the film is crying, screaming, choking, gurgling, spewing, dying, and full of torture all the actors succeed in making you believe what you see is what you get. Effects appear like they're borrowed straight from Faces of Death and there is more blood used in this film than Lestat can drink or Elizabeth Bathory bathed with.

Besides the very strange and ho-ly-sh-it Zombie moment at the end thanks to close-range Flashbulb Riot Gun and the incredible C-section scene this film could be put in the same category as the films listed in the first paragraph, BUT "Inside" is a very unique French film that will stay in your mind and memory long after you've watched it. Not a good Mother's Day movie and definitely not a top choice for date-night.

I give Inside a 2/5 for it's way way way over the top gore and outrageous scenes and haunting plot. I had a harder time watching this film than Human Centipede 2 and I thought that film was hard to stomach. Don't misunderstand my rating though; I'm not demeaning the obnoxious amounts of guts, blood, and severed arteries I'm simply scoring on overall entertainment. This is a shock flick; a movie to keep in your collection to show the creepy friends you have what gore really is. Or for if you have a significant other who is into torture-porn and extreme amounts of gore; then it can be a date-night choice. 

Unless you have experience in watching gore-filled movies I'd pass on this film. If you prefer suspense, mystery, and ghost or apparition type scary movies stay far away from Inside. If you prefer Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Wolf Creek, I Saw the Devil, and films like High Tension (also French) than go ahead and enjoy Inside.

If you like Inside you'll also like:
 "Grace." 
"The Strangers." 
"High Tension."
 
 
The Avengers was a blast. It held up to all of it's hype and anticipation. It surpassed $200 million in the opening weekend and that is what was spent to make the film. It's worth every penny. There's not many poor things I can say for Marvel's Super Superhero film, but I'll try and dissect this gigantic action flick.

Avengers roll-call
Captain America: patriot, underdog, super-soldier altered with high levels of gamma radiation by Howard Stark. Tony Stark: prodigal son of Howard Stark, genius, weapons and energy expert and manufacturer, and vigilante who created a suit or armor that runs off of an arc reactor that can wield dangerous power. Thor: son of Odin, King of Asgard, Nordic God of thunder, and is the only being able to possess the power of Mjolnir; a warhammer of immense legend. Bruce Banner: gamma radiation physicist and meta-particle scientist, host to the alter ego/ Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde HULK. Black Widow: Russian spy turned S.H.I.E.L.D. assassin, and close partner to Hawkeye: S.H.I.E.L.D. assault specialist who wields a bow with skills that can match Legolas.

Bringing together such a massive cast can be a disaster for some films, but The Avengers takes the large credit line with ease. Equal camera time for all the heavy hitters and great editing pulls this film together nicely with pace, screenplay simplicity, and character chemistry. Tie-ins from Iron Man 1 and 2, Thor, Captain America, and The Incredible Hulk are done casually, but if you haven't seen the precursors you can be lost at parts. The easter-eggs, the tie-ins, the hints at future films or the winks at past films bring out the inner geek in all of us that have watched the previous films or read the comics. 

Character progression is a big thing about The Avengers and mainly this film is a strong lead-in to The Avengers 2. Tony Stark shows that he is more than an egomaniac playboy billionaire and he has what it takes to be a leader and can sacrifice everything for the greater good. Opposing Iron Man leadership is Steve Rodgers a.k.a. Capt. America. Nothing much has changed for Mr. America but his costume. Hawkeye actually gets a spot in the credits, unlike in Thor, and you finally get to see what his powers, or lack there of, are. He is a force to be reckoned with and I'm sure if he and Legolas teamed up during the fight against Sauron, Middle-Earth would've been saved sooner. 

Instead of Edward Norton portraying Bruce Banner, Mark Ruffalo carries the character extremely well. Instead of seeing the Hulk as a burden, Banner now uses him as an asset and can change on cue. Samuel Jackson always looks like he's just living out his character from Pulp Fiction and in The Avengers you finally get to see Nick Fury fight...briefly; and he misses quite a bit. Thor shows off his brotherly love and stars in some of the best moments in the film with him and Hulk's chemistry being irreplaceable. Loki has a hard time in The Avengers; no home, no conviction, and fighting a waning war with the Chitauri (who resemble the Locust Horde from Gears of War.)

Acting here is pulled back and subtle. A good choice in a film with so much talent. Downey, Hiddleson, Jackson, Renner, Evans, Johansson, Hemsworth, and Ruffalo all have their significant quirks and distinct characteristics that create a world within itself as Loki and the Chitauri try and destroy the world to decimate man's reign on Earth. The best part of The Avengers is Joss Whedon's ability to level the playing field and use the dialogue and each characters reputation to move the story forward and get the audience attached and entertained. Although a major character dies, and yes it's very saddening, you're with the superhero crew all the way and against Loki and his alien army. 

Visuals and effects are similar to a Michael Bay film; huge adversaries, a lot of destruction, trillions of dollars in damage to buildings and cities, and many many explosions. I viewed the film in 3D; although I don't prefer that version of film, there are many 3D moments and it is definitely one of the better 3D movies out there. 

The Avengers is a great movie and it's just a teaser for what's to come from Marvel. Iron Man 3 and Thor 2 are slated for 2013, Captain America 2 and an unknown release are coming in 2014, and the Avengers 2 is estimated for 2015. I give The Avengers 5 out of 5.
 
 
2012
R
1h:49m

Contraband is a decent heist film. It's not as fast-paced as Fast and the Furious, not as funny and clever as Snatch or Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, doesn't have a huge cast of charismatic and witty characters like Danny Ocean's crew, but the film works...to some degree.

Robert Wahlberg, as he's labeled in the credits, takes on the same type-casted persona but in a different light; a South Boston accent wielding ex-smuggler who has to take on a job to save his family. Sounds a lot like Gone in 60 Seconds; ironically enough, Giovanni Ribisi plays the villain in Contraband whereas he played the victim in Gone in 60 Seconds.

There's not a lot of character progression in this movie. You're not going to get too emotional, even when Kate Beckinsale is being encased into cement, but you do get an urge to root against Ben Foster's character. Action-scenes are spaced out well and the suspense and mystery of whats going on keeps the movie entertaining and satisfying, yet there is a lot of screenplay that is unneeded and Marky Mark reuses many of his mannerisms and quirks.

Like I previously stated, Contraband is a decent heist film, but it lacks in making you care about the lesser characters which dilutes the script in my opinion. I give Contraband a 3/5.
 
 
Haywire is a straight-forward action film drawing on female-ass kicking power and a great spy vs government story. Gina Carano leads and carries Haywire as Mallory; a privately contracted agent who gets betrayed by her own employers and seeks revenge. Neat thing is, Gina Carano is a world renown Muay Thai kickboxer, StrikeForce middleweight, and has been called the face of women's MMA with a current record of 13-1.

This film is a great example of spy/special agent entertainment and keeps your attention; albeit over used, the "revenge of the betrayed spy" plot works in Haywire's case. There are many familiar faces in this film like Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas, Michael Fassbinder, and Obi-Wan himself; Ewan McGregor. Problem is none of them really grasp your attention like Gina does. Her physical appearance and control on screen shows off her leading lady skills.

Dialogue and sound are cliched, but the action and fight scenes are wonderful. No flashy roundhouse kicks, no Tony Jaa flips and tumbles, and definitely no wires. Simple straight-to-the-point MMA and CQC; Close Quarters Combat. 

Haywire gives you satisfaction in the end and is entertaining to watch. I recommend. 
I give Haywire 4/5.